Thoughts and comments of a Sith
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Wanderings on the Dark Side. . .  
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
So I skipped classes today. The alarm went off and I just couldn't give enough of a damn to get out of bed, drive an hour and sit thru some classes I wasn't prepared for. sue me. I am tired and burned out. There is too much shit to deal with. Bills I don't have money for (on my meager income 600 bucks for books is a brutal blow), homework I never get ahead on, a job I hate, worrying about the police test process, finding money for an engaement ring so we can get engaged and have the wedding before next year...The list goes on. So instead of getting out of bed I slapped the alarm clock, pulled the blankets up (apt. has been cold lately) and slept till Spike TV started running my shows at about 10. Is this conduct becoming an NCO of Marines? No, probably not, but it's amazing what you can justify to yourself and what doesn't really make any difference to you when you are half asleep (or more :) ).
in a somewhat related field, how the hell can a professor maintain some attendance policy and then cancel class, and be seen wandering around campus. I mean really. If you are going to threaten to reduce grades for absences then where do you get off just canceling class? Me skipping for what ever reason is in essence the same thing, no, I take that back, it should be more acceptable for me to do it cause he gets paid either way, if I want to piss away my money by not going to class what does he care? So damn asinine, I can't wait to be done with it all.
7:21 PM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
So, part of my struggles both before deployment and in the aftermath has been how do I resolve some of the trickier items in integrating my Christian up-bringing and beliefs with the fact that I shot one person to death for sure and I am pretty sure I contributed to another (there were four rifles and a medium machinegun blazing away at where we thought the guy was....only God knows if we killed him or who killed him. Personally I hope somebody got him as he was trying to kill us...). It was self defense and according to St. Augustine's theory of Just war then I was good to go...sadley his thoughts are not the only school of thought on the subject of Christian participation in war. I run into these various groups on a nearly daily basis at good old TIU as I labor to finnish my degree. Interesting side note, I am the only Iraq veteran on campus that I know of, so sometimes my professors and classmates say some things that carve my heart and guts out with out even thinking about it, because it is easy to forget about the one person in a crowd. Anyway...so yeah, class gets tough to muddle thru some days as the proffs stand there and decry killing in any form....wonder what they would do with the means to respond if their lives or the lives of their family were being threatened. Unfortunately one cannot simulate these sorts of things. Most of them will stand there and say they wouldn't do anything just so they don't have to admit their position is asinine....the other part that makes the whole debate touchy is that despite the fact that it was ruled a clean shoot, that we made a good decision based on the facts at hand, it turned out the man I know I shot was unarmed at the time...colateral damage as they say, but a sight image I know I will never forget...and one that troubles my conscious so...
oh yeah, to add to my fun and excitement I am trying to quit smoking again. almost 48 hours with out a smoke. maybe I should give up till after school...it's just another few months...give it a few more days then we will see...
9:31 PM
Friday, February 17, 2006
I am re-opening this blogg....yeah, I went to Iraq and clearly I came home, I'm in one piece physicaly...mentaly who knows...it comes and goes...primarily I am opening this to allow me a private place to vent. I don't think anybody still reads this so it will be for me mostly, if you are checking up on it or stumble on it, let me know (sign the guestbook).
Oh yeah, before I forget, what ever I may say about my experiences in Iraq I support that mission 100 percent, so don't even start asking that stupid shit.
12:12 AM
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Obviously I dont post here any more. sorry about that but I grew out of it and I dont know anybody that still reads it. but everything that dies deserves an epitaph of some sort so here it is for wanderings on the dark side. Im going to war. yup, the much awaited mobilization is coming down range in two weeks. shit. this is a dark time in my life as I weigh the morality of a great many things and look at the coming months with a great deal of dread and a little bit of excitement. I am going to head off and find out if I have what it takes to be a maker of history and not just a student of it. I plan on journaling while I am gone thanks to my dear friend jen. hopefully I can get it published and make some cash to finance my arsenal. anyway, Im leaving in two weeks and my computer has been down for months now. maybe I will look into this thing when I get back but probably not. so, as it stands this is good bye.
Echo 3 Victor signing off.
6:37 PM
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
I submit that it doesnt get much better than drinking some beers and listening to Johnny Cash.
1:41 AM
Monday, December 15, 2003
" A man's honor is his gift to himself"
I just got back from seeing "The Last Samurai". wow. that is the only word I can think of to describe that movie. it was such a powerful comentary in my mind on the meaning of honor and a warrior's place and duty. in order to put it into perspective for those of you who have not seen it (you should!) or those of you who have not read the Bushido (the code of the samurai, again, you should!) I am thinking of delaying a new gun and purchasing a sword. yep. that profound. in the mean time I am going to re-read the Bushido and attempt to better aply it to my life. this movie has also made my desire for a son someday burn 100 times brighter, that I may raise him to follow the Bushido and become a man of honor in an increasingly honorless world. the other thought that it raises in my head is how I mourn the loss of vosnos, as I am sure he would understand what words are failing to express here. I wish I had some way to renew that friendship. sad. very sad. well. as words are failing me, I will close. goodnight.
11:38 PM
Monday, December 08, 2003
I survived another drill in case you were wondering. I will post more about that tommorow. I would today but Im too tired. just tryin to keep my promise.
night!
12:53 AM
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